He Pushed

Yesterday I cried on my lunch break. I waited to turn onto the main road as an ambulance buzzed by on my right. I prayed quickly for the peace of God over whatever the situation.  When I turned, on my left was a young man struggling to get his car started.  The barefoot man got out of his car and proceeded to push in the crevice of the driver side door.  He looked back at the cars and their owners making it very clear that he was in the way.  A burden.  Engines roared and grumbled as they passed him by. He got back into the car with angst and desperation on his face.

Then... he turned his face upward.  At that red light, I so dearly wanted him to be calling out to the Father.  Suddenly,  as if desperation and determination were one in the same,  the young man got out and moved towards the back of the car. He wasn't muscularly enhanced in any way,  but he began to push as hard as he could.  The car moved but not quickly towards the entrance of the gas station fifty feet away.  As cars rushed by him,  anger and sadness grew in my heart,  my light changed,  and I determined in my heart that I would turn in and push the car with him.

As tears began to puddle in my eyes,  an older man began to run towards the young man,  who in comparison to him was just a boy.  He ran across the grassy ditch between the gas station and the road as if it were his very own child stranded in the middle of a busy street.  Without a word,  with the swiftness of a Lion and the softness of a Father, he began to push the car with the Barefoot young man.  Now the car moved with agility into the gas station and right up to a pump.

I drove off weeping. A wilderness lays spread out across the world,  and a small glimpse of it displayed on 39th Ave. Maybe that young man created that difficulty or wilderness for himself or maybe it just happened.  Whatever the circumstance,  he was left to walk it alone. No one was coming.  No one was stopping.  Everyone was watching.  Isn't that how we feel in our weakness,  in our sin,  in our wilderness. No way out but by your own strength? Barefoot.  Shards of glass and loads of dirty on your feet tell of the path you chose to take. If anyone knew where those feet have been..... Then some man shows up,  with weakness etched into his skin and all across his body.  He swoops in alongside you and things start to move.  It looks like the both of you are getting the job done but it's really just his strength.

I saw the gospel today.  And it broke me.  That older man ran,  he didn't walk.  He pushed,  he didn't just talk.  He put his very muscle into it,  he didn't call a towing truck.  He stopped.... He didn't keep going.  He embodied my King.  My Lion.  My Lamb. Haha.  Yeah,  yesterday I cried on my lunch break,  and this morning I cried all over again.  We serve a God that pushes in the wildernesses that we ourselves created.  He didn't come to accuse,  he came to push,  and reclaim your,  my,  OUR dignity in Him.

I'm in love again.

Listen to your Soul Cry out

"The cries of a dead spirit and a dying soul;
Body sick from the world, quickly getting old.
A mind that resembles mold with the scent of a carcass,
Thoughts of true love in God seem to be the farthest.
Chasing treasures of the world that wont and don't last long,
Quick to justify things we know to be wrong.
The cries of a dead spirit and a dying soul;
Heard by all the angels but only He can console.
Quick to say, " I do things MY way",
When really its Satan smiling, saying, "Which strings of bondage should I pull today?"
Those who love you pray for you to come home, while the Father weeps in your absence
Just yearning to love you more than you could have ever imagined.
To the cries of a dead spirit and a dying soul,
Revive your spirit, pick up your cross and go.
To the cries of a dead spirit and a dying soul,
Stop running, come home, and be made whole.
You're running into these physical, spiritual, and mental walls because veils of the world wont let you see
My brother, my sister, turn, run, come home... Daddy called us to be free.
I love you."

Redemption

Feeling sick down to the pit of my being

Gut wrenching agony at these thoughts that aren't freeing

Knowing where I desire to be and seeing where You have me

Stuck between my world and Your realities

Like... like... a mad scientist that sees the end of his projections

But weakened by each experimental rejection

I stand yelling at the top of my lungs

Thoughts louder than liberty when the Liberty Bell rung

"Free me free me free me!! The despair is too much to bear!"

Yet.. I... I!! Chose to share this cup

Yup... Then again on the basis of my decision you Promised! You Promised

To be my confidence and my strength

Lord I can't go back! I wont go back again.

Lord please save me from every door and pathway of sin

I find myself running with eyes searching for You

One glance to the right and I fall!! Falling falling... fell

Quickly Satan floods my eyes with pictures of hell

But this hell is not the fiery furnace of burning at the end

This hell is the thought of another day separated from you within

Tears streaming heart pounding unable to face

My only ace in this race... I've shamed You

Now I look away and fall to the ground... I can feel the stones aimed at my soul

Thinking.. I'm sorry. So sorry. I've disgraced the only unconditional love I could ever know.

Tears streaming. Heart pounding.. awaiting His judgement to fall

I look up.. and the only man I've known to in his righteousness stand tall

Knelt down beside me with tears in His eyes and said

"Darling, my Darling. I've fought this fight. It is for your freedom that I died."

I could feel him writing on the sands of my very being

Words of life, affirmation, love, words so freeing

Confused I look at Him and ask why he loves me so

He smiled and whispered, "There's a love inside of you that I desire to know."

I could feel the shame and fear fall like scales from my eyes

And pledged from this day forth I would search inside

To bring out this very love for which my Beloved had died.

Even when I stumble, I rise with a smile

For thoughts of His love purify my shame

All I have to do now is whisper His name... Yahweh